Film ‘Vampires Suck’ Shines Light on Vampire Obsessed America


By Colleen Maidhof

Directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer who are popularly known for such Sub-genre satires as ‘Scary Movie’ haven’t moved forward from their moderately long string of disasters including their 2008 ‘Disaster Movie’.

Their film ‘Vampires Suck,’ a parody of the ‘Twilight” series by Stephenie Meyer is not only a disaster, but a hilarious one. It is so terrible, yet so true. It intensifies some of the nonsense of ‘Twilight’, and it truly but cruelly brings to light the fact that one of America’s top-selling series has simply become a sick obsession for some of its fans.

The parody ‘Vampires Suck’ truly did suck. It received a 6 percent rating on Rottentomatos.com. The original 2008 ‘Twilight’ received a 50 percent rating. In the film, characters are given creative spoof names which are similar to their original names in the ‘Twilight’ film. Bella Swan becomes Becca Crane, Edward Cullen becomes Edward Sullen, and Jacob Black becomes Jacob White. The plot consisted of scattered moments from the first two ‘Twilight’ films where the director believed puns could be inserted, and scattered tidbits of pop culture  could be included in attempt to add more humor. For example, when Bella does the whole ‘I know what you are’ scene from the original ‘Twilight,’ her guess is ‘the Jonas Brothers’ instead of a vampire. Then in attempt to make that scene even more comical when he tries to explain to Bella that he is a killer, he shoots Alice from ‘Alice in Wonderland’ to prove his point.

At first these random scenes were sort of funny, but when they continued, it just became embarrassing to watch.

“I thought the movie ‘Vampires Suck’ was bad, but I also found it kind of funny, too. It brought to attention how silly the ‘Twilight’ movies actually are. Hopefully, others also see that while watching it,” said theatre major Jose Garcia.

America is becoming so obsessed with the ‘Twilight’ series that the ‘Edward Cullen’ has become a well-known hair style, and parents are even naming their children after their favorite characters. Cullen, the surname of Edward leaped almost 300 spots from the 2008 popular boy’s name list according to the Social Security Administration’s Annual Rundown of most popular names for newborns; however, Vampire Cullen has a slick competitor, his rival Jacob Black the wolf. Jacob is currently the most popular boy’s name on the list , and we can’t forget about Isabella Swan the indecisive lover.

The most common name for female newborns is Isabella, and Bella her nickname is placed number 58 on the chart.

“Twilight has very strong messages that I don’t agree with, and I don’t think society should be responding to in the way it is. To name a child because of a certain character out of respect for his/her actions is understandable, but what has Bella done? She doesn’t go to college. She gives up any semblance of a normal life for a boy. If you take Edward out of the equation, Bella has no friends, no income, and no real personality in my opinion. Her biggest decision in life is whether to choose one boy or another, and this is the decision that will impact her life the most. As for Edward I think it places unrealistic expectations on guys. I mean, are they really supposed to be able to physically stop a speeding Volvo with their bare hands and not get a scratch,” said Journalism major Pamela Cori.

The obsession doesn’t stop there. Large arrays of ‘Twilight’ supplies are not only found in places where most would anticipate them to be like in movie rental stores or bookstores. Shelves in various stores and supermarkets are filled to their brim with ‘Twilight’ folders, backpacks, lunch boxes, fangs, underwear, buttons, posters, life-sized cardboard shrines, and even shirts that say Team Edward or Team Jacob on them.

Kids are wearing ‘Twilight’ backpacks and fangs, and young teenage girls are worshiping their life-sized cardboard Edward Cullen. People of all ages are going vampire crazy. People are becoming so vampire crazy that the entertainment industry has even caught on.

After ‘Twilight’ gained so many fans ‘True Blood’ and ‘Vampire Diaries’ came out to ride its coat tails. Several other movies that are vampire-related also have been released this past year like ‘The Vampires Assistant’, ‘Day Breakers’, and ‘Transylmania’ another vampire spoof. America has had obsessions in the past that have simply turned into memorable fads. In the 1990’s for example ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’, ‘Jaws’, and ‘Friday the 13th’, were so popular that many sequels followed. On top of that, there were tons of children that dressed as Freddy Krueger or Jason for Halloween. Also, in the 1970’s the ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ was the young adult obsession for a long time. America’s new fad seems to be sparkly vampires, but just in case keep garlic and sun glasses handy for your own sake.

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